1. DECLINEOMETER

Try and sell me human grade for prime, I ain’t buyin’
I’m Buzz on psilocybin Spruce Goose it ain’t flyin
Twenty-five year old Scotch breath, pilot’s grounded
Never thought we’d have to see you nude, only naked
I ain’t got a clue
I ain’t dumbin’ it down
The apple cart’s disturbed out in front of the beast
It’s all Schoolhouse Rock
The magic number’s 3
My appetite’s curbed, it registered on my declinometer
Walkin’ talkin’ Johnny Thunders on your cross in stations
Prosecutor always screamin’ delicto inflagrante
I got a sham
I got a scheme
I got the best of translations
Never call me by my first name just hillbilly


2. BURN THE HONOYSUKLE

I was born in the summer with black gum on my heals
Full grown and cussin’ and bleach on my wheels
Killed me a panther before I was even grown
With a pocket knife and a guitar string and a live honey comb
They gonna burn the honeysuckle when I die
Married me a girl raised on mustard greens and bears
Chimney brown and lanky smoke all in her hair
Bore me seven babies in ten years time
With skin like tobacco and eyes like wine
They gonna burn the honeysuckle when I die
When I’m dead and gone and the sun don’t shine
Build a fire where the grass is gone and burn that vine
Put me down there with the rest
In the muddy ground, get me blessed
I don’t wanna go, I must confess
Put me down there with the rest
I love the sound of the rain rolling through the trees
Plate of bacon and a banjo on my knee
Love to see the lightning crackin’ in the spring
When the moon goes down in the morning I smoke and I sing
They gonna burn the honeysuckle when I die


3. MISTER BETTY

Mister Betty
Mr. Betty ain’t no friend of mine
Got me feelin’ like a diaper champ
Beat me down lord but I just don’t listen
Wanna suck today, well that’s your business
Next thing I know I blow my top
Shouldn’t keep it all bottled up
Now I’m living out my life on vinyl
A little hiss, skip, fizzle, pop
You want clown but I give you mime
Want it rare I cook it well done
Spend my money so I take my time
Long division we all multiply
Mr. Betty’s just like Typhoid Mary
Her vittles out of Hell’s Kitchen
Dealin’ poison out of her desperation
Go on Mary carry it without a symptom


4. SHAKE THE CHANDELIER

If the 7’s are equal there’s milk in the glass
If the 7’s are equal there’s honey in the grass
Cows and the bees and the crickets they sparkle like the devil
There’s a dark carnation and a wrinkle in the road
A dark carnation to assemble and load
Between the rivers and the flowers the physician he concludes it’s a contusion
I wanna see the king drink his coconut soda in the February sunshine
I wanna grease the gears, clean my knife with crocodile tears
Blend it with the butter of another lover
And shake the chandelier
If you miss me from burning don’t let me turn to ash
If you miss me from turning, don’t let me flash
Don’t let me flash like a light or burn like a meteorite


5. NEW ROOMATE

My new roommate’s got a girl with him tonight
Always late on the rental
Couldn’t buy a bag of farts
This ain’t no B& B all the food you ate
If you want to get it shipped man you know you gotta pay the freight
Just say goodnight don’t wanna listen to you now
By the way, you know, just go with her, go on, get out
My new roommate’s got him a green thumb
Queer fluorescent lighting and an 8-foot bong
Jesus Dread cranked, neighbor called in a complaint
Now we all gotta go to jail
And I don’t care I got cold feet
My new roommate’s quiet he keeps to himself
Been in the can for hours and I can’t smell a thing
What did you do spill a box of wine in my bathtub?
C’mon let’s get you to the ER let’s get you sewn up
My new roommate’s lesbian, she’s the best yet
Lay some rug down on my hardwood floor
I say for Halloween you be Joan, I’ll be a torch
She got no sense of humor she spit chaw-juice in mine eye
My new roommate wakes us up at dawn
Hides my remote
Say outside where you’s gonna smoke
Always bumming rides I went from beer to sour mash
That son of a bitch owns the place
I take out the trash


6. HOOKY JUNK

yer full of wine and meat, throw yer bacon in the street
yer long white hair is covered in blood
and i'm singing to the roaches and puttin' pecans in my pie
my tears are fallin down, I got something in my eye

Hooky Junk-Hooky Junk

Well the devil was dancin' with some spittle on his cheek
gyrating with his bread knife and shuffling his feet
He starts to yelling at the Jack Ass who was painting his floor
said, "when the paint gets dry, Jack Ass, we gonna go get tore.

Hooky Junk Hooky junk

Then the Cubans saw us coming. I hit the wall with my fist
after supper and a beer I got to feeling like this
I got a big sex engine and a big ol'.....Gut
But I like to lick the nipples and I like to shake that Butt....

Hooky Junk Hooky Junk


7. WEATHER WOMAN

Weather woman get it right
With your radar and your satellite
Need a couple of days sunny and bright
You’ve got the gauges make your forecast tight
Weather woman I’ll dial you in
Am I livin’ in a watch or warning?
No more joint aching
No ring around the moon
Weather girl we’re all depending on youv
Weather woman what’s the call?
We just don’t need you in the summer at all
My grass is dying and my bills are so high
Make like a cartoon and go poke the sky
I saw an erubescent sky turn blackv
I knew that funnel cloud was on the attack
My barometronic pressure was high
How exactly does your Doppler apply?
Do you think it rains when my weather girl cries?
I shit you not it was softball size
Hurricane or cyclone alley
Flood plain or mud-slid valley
Weather girl where do you dwell?
You still livin’ at your momma’s house?
Weather girl where do you dwell?
At an out of harm’s way hotel?
Weather girl where do you dwell?


8. "STAB"

(No lyrics available)


9. OUR PATRIARCH

Now all around this border town
The lads and lassies gather round
All that is heard a mournin’ sound
The salty tears a runnin’ down
Our patriarch with greasy hands
He held the golden cages key
For twenty years he sailed the seas
With a trumpet on his knees
He drank the wine of ancient tung’s
And with his hands began to build
A tower for the bells we rung
A temple for the whippoorwill
Now all around this border town
The lads and lassies gather round
All that is heard a mournin’ sound
The salty tears a runnin’ down
With eyes of blue and jacket too
In trousers red and beard of grey
A casket built of his own hand
Our patriarch has died today


10. THE EDUCATION SONG

Those that know don’t close the door on those that don’t know

If ya been t’ college, ya got some special knowledge

Ya can share it with some children or some old folks too
Go ahead and share it, with all the people
That’s the best thing that you can do.

If you a mama, ya teach yer children
How to walk and talk, how to read and write
It’s fundamental, but ya must be gentle
Do not teach’em to fuss and fight

Those that have should not hide what they have from those that don’t have

Those that need should not seek to succeed in the stealing the seeds

If you need some help, just ask for help
You can’t know everything all the time
Just ask somebody, they should be willing
Address the ignorance and lose the pride


11. COLLECTION'S

Collections gettin’ to be a drag
Nickles, dimes and buttons
Get the bottles curbside on Tuesday
Bee sting stickers
Honey outta liquors
Whoa, I can’t fly straight
But I sure gots the mother lode
Meanwhile back at the hive
Do a little dance, talk a little jive
Light a punk blow shit up
Compile consolidate U-Haul up to heaven’s gate
Dead man’s clothes are cheap I wear ‘em
Mustard stains are deep yellow
Think about the one who wore it
Sloppy no doubt what I can’t figure out
Is the Pythagorean Theorem dump this carry that
One is skinny eight is fat
Asshole tell me to do the math
This here the difficult third verse
Jolly Joel drink his cappuccino


12. PILL BUG BLUES

You can have a dose of nicotine
If yer getting drowsy or feelin mean
You can have a glass of Beaujolais
I never try to get in yer way
Whiskey is the devil but a friend of mine
I can share a shot or more sometime
You don’t have to work or even pray
And you can roll the roaches in my ash tray

You just gotta stay right where you are
If you go anywhere don’t go too far
Cuz I get lonely and I get down
Baby I can’t have you out runnnin round

Just let me know if yer feelin sad
Even if yer feelin like my stealins bad
I don’t like to steal you know it’s true
But it don’t matter if I steal for you

Take one of these to calm yer nerves
That about the only need they serve
I can buy’em from the girl next door
Just let me know if ya need some more
If you need some more I know where they are
If you go anywhere don’t go too far
Cuz I get lonely and I get down
Baby I can’t have you out runnin’ round


13. PICK AND ROLL

Hey, your Romulan ale is flat
That’s what he called his home brew either that
Or Tronya, which Cat Woman you like best?
I don’t know didn’t they all wear a mask?
This trivia is running wild through my brain
We just can’t have you animating the band
My life is a piss but my soul feels gone
If I’m cold, be a friend, stuff me in a Ton Ton
So here’s a blues I sank so low
I monkey with the juice, I fiddle with the flow
When I wake up I put on my pants
Count my lechuga, head for the tracks
I’ve heard it called a pick and a roll
Nothing for the defense something for the O
Slake thine thirst with a vessel of meade
Why Eartha Kitt Cat Woman Supreme